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Deer Hunter's Day


1 a.m. Alarm clock goes off
2 a.m. Hunting partner arrices, drags you out of bed.
2:30 a.m. Throw everything except kitchen sink in the pickup.
3 a.m. Leave for the deep woods
3:15 a.m. Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 a. m. drive like heck to get to woods before daylight
4 a.m. Set up camp, forgot the tent
4:30 a.m. Head into the woods.
7:05 a.m. See eight deer...
7:06 a.m. take aim and squeeze trigger
7:07 a.m. "Click."
7:08 a.m. Load gun while watching deer go over hill
9 a.m. Head back to camp
10 a.m. Still looking for camp
11 a.m. Realize you don't know where camp is.
noon Fire gun for help, eat wild berries
12:05 p.m. Run out of bullets, eight deer come back.
12:20 p.m. Strange feeling in stomach
12:30 p.m. Realize you ate posion berries
12:45 p.m. Rescued!!!
12:55 p.m. Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
2 p.m. arrive back at camp
2:30 p.m. Leave camp to kill deer.
3 p.m. Return to camp for bullets
3:01 p.m. Load gun, leave camp area
4 p.m. Empty gun on squirel that's bugging you.
5 p.m. Arrive at camp, see deer playing in camp.
5:01 p.m. Load gun
5:02 p.m. Fire gun.
5:03 p.m. One dead pickup truck.
6:05 p.m. Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06 p.m. Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
6:07 p.m. Fall into fire.
6:10 p.m. Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire.
7:15 p.m. Take pickup, leave partner and his deer in the woods.
7:23 p.m. Pickup boils over- hole shot in block.
7:26 p.m. Start walking
7:30 p.m. Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.
7:35 p.m. Meet bear
7:36 p.m. Take aim.
7:37 p.m. Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud.
7:38 p.m. Messed pants
7:39 p.m. Climb tree
10 p.m. Bear depars, wraps $#@% gun around tree.
Midnight- Home at last.
Next day- Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing licenses into little pieces, place into envelope and mail to game warden, with very clear instructions on where to put it.



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